I usually feel pretty confident in the kitchen. I am comfortable there and for the most part I know that I can cook what I set out to cook. Until I try to make a pot of rice. Or a cup of coffee. Or a bowl of popcorn. These three things, these basic, basic, things can throw me into a panic. They are the bane of my culinary existence. I know there are people out there who can’t cook anything else but who can make coffee, rice and popcorn. And I wonder, what the hell is wrong with me?
Let me elaborate.
I can cook a decent pot of white rice. Not great, but good enough. But I like brown rice, and when I make it, more often than not it ends up mushy, or starchy, or undercooked, or stuck to the bottom of the pan. Robert thinks we should get a rice cooker, but I don’t want a rice cooker. That feels admitting defeat, and I don’t want to be defeated by rice, of all things. I know that you don’t need a rice cooker to make decent rice, people do it all the time. Just not me. And I try, I do. I change the proportion of water, I rinse, I don’t rinse, I boil the water before adding the rice, I start everything together… And still I get bad rice. I think I must have a rice cooking curse on me.
And coffee, well, let me tell you. I don’t drink coffee, that is part of the problem. But I want to be able to make a decent cup for someone who comes to my house. I mean, really, that’s basic hospitality. I never know how much coffee per cup or what kind to buy or how fine to grind it. I had some friends over for dinner a few months ago, and we had a good time, everything went well, and then I made coffee in my French press. After a while I asked if anyone would like any more coffee, and no one did but I didn’t think anything of it (I was drinking tea). After they left and I collected the cups on the table I realized that all the cups were half full of sludge. Thick, black goop. Apparently I had ground the coffee beans much too fine for the French press and I had made a kind of coffee soup. Lovely. Luckily I have friends who, although they are too polite to say anything, will overlook this kind of culinary debacle. Good friends, bad coffee curse.
On Saturday night I had a craving for popcorn while Robert and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie. I hadn’t had popcorn for quite a while. Not since my last attempt, and that killed the craving for a good long time. Here is another instance where maybe I should go out and buy a special appliance for making popcorn, but I really think it shouldn’t be necessary. But I’m starting to reconsider. When I make popcorn the house always ends up smelling like burning oil and my kernels only pop half way and are hard as rocks. And there is always some kind of fiasco where the pot is too small or I burn myself or get hit in the eye with a popping kernel. I even have a burn mark on my counter from a popcorn incident years ago to prove that this has been a life long issue for me. This last time I looked in the Joy Of Cooking for a popcorn recipe so I would get it right. But the Joy of Cooking doesn’t have a recipe for popcorn because it’s that basic. I swear, I have got some kind of problem. Corn popping curse perhaps.
So, if you have any suggestions for me, please pass them along. Maybe I am cursed, or maybe I just need some good advice.
1) Don’t bother with a rice cooker. It won’t help (signed, A Person Who Owns a Rice Cooker and It Didn’t Help).
2) I neither drink coffee nor eat popcorn, so I’m no help on those two (but then, I wasn’t any help with the rice either, so I guess I’m just generally No Help. Sorry about that).
3) If it makes you feel any better, I can’t hard cook eggs. I’ve tried every trick I’ve ever read and I still can’t get it right every time (I can occassionally fall into success, but it’s a 100% fluke; I can’t reproduce the results a second time in a row).
4) A flash of inspiration on the rice–try the method Julia Child recommends in “Mastering.” It’s intended for white rice, I think, but it might work for brown if you just did it for a little longer. It’s fiddly, but it might work.
1) Mark swears by a rice cooker. I just use a regular ole pot. Many times the rice is off in either case.
2) Ask your friends to bring coffee or else they get tea.
3) Get popcorn AT the movies.
I’m no help either.
Okay, my thoughts (and I don’t have a rice cooker or a popcorn popper):
- Regarding rice, I always use the 2 to 1 ratio – two cups of water to one cup of rice. I put the rice into the water, add salt, cover, bring to a low simmer, and let it go for 20 minutes, brown rice a little longer, like closer to 30 minutes. I don’t know if it’s good rice, but I like it.
- Regarding popcorn, one of my all-time favorite foods, the freshness of the corn is a huge problem! I seriously doubt the problem is you at all. I always used to buy Paul Newman’s popcorn, but they have stopped making it. It was terrific and foolproof and the profits went to charity which was a winning combination for me. Now I get organic popcorn in bulk foods at T & C. Sometimes it’s fresher than other times, and if it isn’t fresh, it doesn’t pop well – leaving you with the burned, half-popped pan of rock hard, disappointing morsels. I haven’t tried refrigerating my bulk foods popcorn, which might help, but I can’t say for sure. Regarding the correct amount of oil to corn, I wing it – probably about 2 Tb in a large saucepan, with the bottom covered in popcorn kernels. I do use corn oil for popping my corn, and if my pan lid starts to rise up due to an inordinate amount of popcorn, I take the pan off the stove and quickly dump some of the popcorn into my bowl, and return to the stove for the remaining amount of popping time. When it stops popping take it off the stove. Melt about half a cube of butter and salt liberally and there you go – best ‘healthy’ snack in the whole wide world!
- I don’t drink coffee either and have a complete complex about making it as well. That’s Alan’s department.
However, what Alan has told me to do when I have been pressed into making coffee is, 1 scoop of ground coffee per cup, and then I had two extra scoops for good measure – better too strong than not strong enough. I use a little Braun electric coffee grinder and shake while I ‘m grinding (the grinder, not me). I know nothing, but I like to see granules, so never grind really fine.
- We can’t do everything. You do most everthing else so elegantly and well. I’d stick with pasta, or quinoa, cous cous, or any number of other grains that won’t disappoint you or make you feel inadequate. I would strongly encourage you to continue working on popcorn though – it’s so darn wonderful. Side note: I don’t think you can make popcorn without the house smelling for at least a day, possibly two. I bet Starbuck’s or illy, or any other coffee company’s website might have instructions for how to make a good cup of coffee. Try the experts on that one!
My most success recently with rice is to use a brown basmati, saute it in a little olive oil until it glistens. For one cup of rice I put in 1 1/2 cups water. It turned out fluffy and on the dry side. I think the proportions for regular brown rice would be a little more water. Thomas makes the popcorn and his method may not apply, as he uses the microwave with a special popcorn bowl. I have to mention it because it is sooo good. But then he is not at all shy with the butter or salt. For coffee I like using the italian stovetop espresso maker ( I don’t remember their official name). They look good on your stove, too. The one thing I have discovered though is the coffee needs to be a coarse ground. I’m craving popcorn now or it could be all the melted butter!!
[...] had to share my recent popcorn success. After reading the helpful comments I got on my post about things I can’t cook I went out an bought a fresh bag of popcorn on Saturday. I wanted to find a way to pop regular [...]